million_points_of_light | reality won't hurt for longer than it should

Entry tags:

reality won't hurt for longer than it should

Who: Riku and Lea
When: January 4th
Where: Casa de Bro
What: Some awkward misunderstandings.
Warnings: Cavities.

There was a reason Riku didn't like making anything with onions.

They made his eyes water like nothing else ever could. No matter what type of onion--white, red, pearl, even shallots--would make him start crying and he would always get frustrated, ending up with a few wads of paper towel next to him as he tried to get through the five onions the soup he was making needed. He coughed into his elbow, putting the knife down and blindly reaching for a new paper towel, turning away from his cutting board and pressing the paper to his eyes beneath his glasses. He knew his eyes were probably red and slightly puffy by now.

At least Sora wasn't here. His best friend would probably laugh at him, and he was only two onions down.

With a sigh, he slid the onions into the pot and took a breather, thankful there were no pups around to distract him. He might cut off a finger at this rate.

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Lea had been out for about an hour, running a few errands in town. He actually kind of enjoyed this whole jack of all trades gig he'd been up to lately. It keeps things interesting, if nothing else. In the hour he'd been out he'd just been playing gofer, but corridors certainly made the trips shorter. Twisting his key in the front door and nudging it open with his hip, Lea tugged his hat off, sending his hair going every which direction, and bumped the door closed with his foot.

He could hear movement in the kitchen--probably Riku. ... Hopefully Riku. ... No, definitely Riku; if it were Sora in the kitchen the smoke alarm would have been going off. He set down the paper bag of groceries he'd grabbed on his way home and took off his coat, hanging it behind the door and unwinding his scarf. Shoving it into the pocket with his gloves, he picked up the bag again and headed for the kitchen.

"Hey, I was out of OJ, so I ran by the store," he said, rummaging through the bag and pulling out a red can as he neared the kitchen ingress. "Got some tomato sauce too, since it never seems to last more than like two days in this hou--what happened?"

Lea nearly dropped the bag upon entering the kitchen. Riku looked like he'd just watched Old Yeller or something--his eyes were red and puffy and those were definitely tear tracks down his cheeks. What the hell? He'd seen Riku near tears only once or twice, but this must have been something big.

Setting the bag down on the counter he looked at him urgently.

"Dude, are you okay?"

Edited 2014-01-05 00:27 (UTC)

You might've needed to peel Riku off the ceiling when Lea came in; he'd been so focused on trying to see through puffy eyes that he hadn't sensed the redhead. After a big gulp of air, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, looking over at Lea, shoulders slumping in some sort of relief when he heard that tomato sauce was back in stock.

He'd forgotten to check for that, he needed that for what he was making.

What tipped him off was the sudden urgency to his tone, and Riku raised a hand to his face. "What--what're you talking about?" He croaked.

Ugh. He really hated onions, rubbing an eye a little harder to drive the point home, as if his eyes would stop tearing up if he irritated it enough.

"The hell do you mean what am I talking about?" There was that pointed crinkle between his eyebrows where they drew together in what was prepared to be acute righteous indignation as soon as he found out what had happened. He gestured at Riku's face, then sort of reached for his shoulder without actually following through to touch him. "You're kind of in tears, Riku, and that's... uhm."

Worrisome? Upsetting? Bizarre?

Mostly bizarre, really. Less because of the tears themselves and more because Riku didn't seem all that distraught otherwise. He was starting to think he really didn't understand emotions at all.

"Do I need to kick somebody's ass?" he asked, completely and unironically serious.

He paused for a moment before his cheeks tinged and he shook his head. Was he really worried about that?

"Lea, it's--"

Aaand they darkened more at the seriousness of the question, sputtering. "No. I was just cutting onions, sheesh." His hand flew to his mouth, and he gave him a glare. "I was just cutting onions. You know, for dinner tonight? I'm fine."

He crossed his arms with an amused smile, raising his brows. "Seriously, a few tears gets you riled up?"

"Cutting oni--"

Suddenly he kind of wished the floor would open and swallow him up. Oh. Onions. He hadn't considered onions. Of course, if he had simply looked around the kitchen he would have seen the cutting board and the knife and the three remaining vegetables on the counter.

Cough.

He cleared his throat and his hand flew to the back of his neck, ears flaring red with embarrassment.

"Well coming from you I figured tears had to be a big deal, okay?" he grumbled, pointedly looking everywhere but Riku's face and then snatching the bag from the counter again, mostly to have something to do with his hands. He stumbled past him into the kitchen and shoved the orange juice into the fridge, then set the four cans of tomato sauce on the counter. "I-I dunno what to do when people cry," he admitted sullenly; "I just get all..."

And then he sort of flailed both arms, because that encompassed the feeling more than words could.

He couldn't help but smile a little when Lea started turning colors, moving out of his way. "Yeah, I noticed," he chuckled, watching him flail his arms and reaching a hand out to still him.

When people cried--what he did always varied. Sora or Kairi crying was solved by pulling them close and holding them, sometimes with a peck or two on the forehead. Strangers were offered help, but if declined, he would leave them be. With actual friends... he would do a lot to make sure they were okay.

"I guess tears are out of your element."

(He tries really hard not to outright laugh.)

"Oh har har," he grumbled, rolling his eyes and busying himself lining up the cans on the countertop. "Setting fire to the people who upset my friends isn't, though; I just skipped ahead to the part I'm good at."

Harrumph.

Lea hesitated, then puffed a sigh and leaned one hip against the counter, lifting his chin a little to try and peer into the pot.

"So what're you making, anyhow?" he asked. "Tears are the secret ingredient, huh?"

"Hey, hey," Riku stepped between the pot and Lea, hands on his chest to push him gently back. Just as he realized he was doing it, he quickly brought his hands back to his sides and cleared his throat, wiping at his still-wet cheek.

"It's a surprise. Don't worry, there's meat, so... at least you've got that." Perching his hand on his hip, he turned, grimacing at the onions on the counter before he decided to get out one of the can openers. He'd... put that off, as much as he was able.

... he didn't really know what to think of Lea's behavior. It was strange for Riku to have someone that was that worried about him--he still was sure that any tears in front of Sora would be laughed off, but Lea had been so quick to jump to defend him, it was... kind of... sweet?

Lea lifted his hands when Riku pushed him back, snorting a laugh.

"All right, okay, don't shoot, copper," he guffawed, and then shook his head. "You make it sound like I never eat my veggies or something, sheesh." Yeah, Lea was completely omnivorous, but he wasn't going to complain about Riku's cooking either way. Really, he'd yet to encounter anything that wasn't delicious.

He reached for one of the remaining onions, tossing it up in the air and catching it in his other hand before gesturing at Riku with it.

"You want help or anything?" he asked, tossing the onion again, back and forth between his hands. "I mean, I got nothin' better to do."

He looked kind of uncomfortable somehow, and Lea had to wonder if there wasn't something up after all.

Riku's shoulders sagged, and for a second or two, he almost started to say I can handle it, before he looked off and rubbed the back of his neck.

"... I could use it." He said slowly and quietly, not looking him in the eye. "The--help, I mean."

Lea narrowed one eye. Accepting help was one thing. He'd really gotten better about that. But admitting he might need it?

"... Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, rolling the onion across the back of one hand and then back into his palm. Lea was happy to lend a hand--maybe he would eventually learn how to make something besides ramen and sandwiches this way--but he had really expected a little more resistance.

He refrained from checking Riku for a fever. For now.

Looking at him over his glasses, Riku narrowed his eyes with some irritation. He held out his hand, palm up. "Nevermind, just give me the onion," he sighed.

Trying to better himself wasn't something he felt he could do in just a few steps. Riku never was the kind of person to take it a little at a time: go big or go home. He had his own reservations, and asking for help was still hard, but... asking it from Lea wasn't as hard as it would be from Sora. Lea had been there to see his struggles, and he supported him through it.

Riku knew he could change, and Lea had helped with that.

"No." He held the onion over his head, frowning. "What's that look for? Come on, I said I'd help; you're just. Being weird." He shook his head. "I don't like it when you won't look me in the eye--that's... I do that when I'm lying to people."

He didn't like to admit it, but he knew it was the truth. Lea was a top-notch liar, but when he was being dishonest with someone that mattered he could never maintain eye contact. It wasn't all the time, obviously--sometimes maintaining eye contact was just awkward, but something about the averted gaze and the stiffness in Riku's shoulders had him concerned.

"You can't have the onion 'til you tell me what's bugging you."

"Nothing's bugging me," Riku said, whipping his head to look at him and narrowing his eyes at him. "I'm not trying to hide it or lie, nothing's bothering me, I want you to help. I always cry when I cut onions, okay? So why worry you more by crying if you could do it?"

He closes his eyes, and shakes his head. "Lea, I'm not you. I--" he paused for a moment, lips pressed together, knowing he had difficulty with what he was about to say. He exhaled and shook his head, letting it hang. "I can barely keep eye contact with anyone, it's not like I'm lying to everyone all the time."

"I didn't think you were doing it on purpose," he snapped back, a little stung by the sharpness of Riku's retort. "You don't exactly have the best track record with telling people when something's wrong, you know?"

He set the onion down on the counter, that crinkle between his eyebrows again.

"I know you're not me," he said, "but it's kind of hard to gauge you sometimes. I know you, I know your mannerisms and the way you hunch your shoulders when you're embarrassed and you hold your mug with both hands, especially when you're cold." He shook his head. "But that's all stuff I can see, Riku. You never want to talk about the stuff I can't see, so I'm all I've got to go on."

"I'm trying to be better," Riku stiffened his shoulders, gripping onto the counter.

But... what was he supposed to say to that? He tried to be aware of what he was doing--always be aware, always know what's happening--but he hadn't even realized those small things. Of course he held his mug with both hands, or his hands would freeze off.

If he didn't see those things, how could he tell him about things he couldn't see?

"Uh.... well." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I--I don't know how to make that right."

Lea raked a hand back through his hair, fidgety. The truth was he didn't know what to do about it either. He was still trying to figure out his own emotions--trying to figure out anybody else's was like pulling on a Chinese finger trap: the harder he tried, the more exasperated he got.

He shifted and braced his hands on the counter, hoisting himself up to sit there, and then he shook his head.

"I... I don't either," he admitted, lowering his eyes, searching the lines of the tile floor for an answer. He glanced up then, looking a little sheepish. "I know I'm a little... hair trigger?" he ventured, then blew out a sigh. "So I guess... sorry for that. I know you're trying. Hell, I am too. But I'm used to the way I react to stuff, and so when I see you do something I do, I just assume you're doing it for the same reasons I do." He chuckled lightly. "That's why I tell you you're a bad liar--it takes one to know one."

He exhaled audibly, spine sagging a bit where he sat.

"You don't make eye contact when you're lying either," he said, "but... I guess it's like you said: you... don't make eye contact a..." He paused, then shook his head. "But you usually keep eye contact with me," he said then, frowning. "I've noticed the way you tend to look at people's collars or their hands or mouths when they're talking, but you don't usually do that with me. Unless we're walking somewhere or something."

"I don't feel like I have to live up to something I'm not yet around you," Riku said simply, shrugging a shoulder and pushing his hands into his pockets. Idly; "Is that where I look? I don't notice."

Maybe it was weird, focusing on those places. Riku made a face and shook his head, raking a hand through his hair slowly, letting some of the longer strands drop around his face. He was due for a haircut. Long since due. After a moment, he finally exhaled.

"I'm not angry. We're alike, so we do things the same way sometimes... but we're too different to do it for the same reasons. I should probably accept that, too."

"Usually," he said, and then tapped his chin. "Sometimes I think you look at their hair, but usually somewhere on the face, or at what they're talking about, so it at least seems like you're listening to them." He grinned a bit. "I notice. I like to watch people--you can learn a lot about somebody just by their body language. You probably do a lot of stuff you don't realize.

"Isa used to do this thing, when he'd look at me, where he'd..."--he gestured at his face, then arched one eyebrow sharply, lifting his finger as if pulling the eyebrow on a string--"lift one eyebrow really high when he thought I was full of crap. I could always tell when he was just humoring me."

It was funny, how easy it was to talk to Riku about Isa. He never talked about Isa to anyone. Granted, it had a lot to do with the fact that Saïx had treated Roxas and Xion so badly, and... Axel hadn't had anyone else to talk to. Even now, though, he wasn't sure how to tell Roxas the truth. He was still sort of reeling about it himself.

He cleared his throat, back to the present.

"He, ah..." He cleared his throat again. "He usually thought I was full of crap."

And then he shook his head.

"I guess I shouldn't have assumed either," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, and then he pursed his lips. "Maybe I should beat the onions up for making you cry."

"If you can do that with the knife, I think I'd be grateful," Riku smiles to the floor, looking away from Lea again.

He thought of Isa, as he'd been months ago--when he'd come here with a younger Lea, and the smile fades from his face, fingers clasping and unclasping around the can opener as he thought. "... when we get him back," Never if. Never if, Riku thinks, because if 'if' was supplied to him when Sora had been taken, he would've grown angrier.

"I hope he'll humor you more. I mean--" he shrugs a shoulder. "I can't be the one doing it all the time."

Lea gave the onions an uncertain look. Well... he was pretty good with a blade, right? Surely he could chop an onion. ... Right? He grabbed the onion again and took a moment as if staring it down, then pressed his lips together when Riku spoke.

In a lot of ways, Riku was something like hope for Isa. If Riku was strong enough to fight Xehanort off, if Riku could be saved from possession... Isa could be too, right? Surely if Riku had been able to save himself then the lot of them, they could save Isa.

When, not if.

He gave a soft, almost bitter laugh, and it sounded more like a cough than anything, and tossed the onion from hand to hand again.

"When we get him back, first thing I'm gonna do is punch him in the face," he said. "I'll worry about humor later."

Punch him in the face. Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? Why didn't you ever let me help you?

... Why didn't I try harder to help you?

He shook his head and set the onion down on the cutting board, grabbing for the knife beside it and making a slice into the flaky outer layers to peel them away.

"I wish Roxas and Xion could have known him the way I did," he said quietly. "Sure, Isa'd always been kind of a jerk, but..."

He trailed off, shaking his head again, and vindictively tore at the onion.

Edited 2014-01-06 04:43 (UTC)

"But no matter how much your best friend is a jerk, he's still your best friend, isn't he?"

Riku recites it like it's a poem; he knows it like the back of his hand and no, there is not something new there. Riku understands that--he understands Sora's intent in trying to find him, even if he wished he didn't. He didn't feel too grateful that Sora decided to not punch him in the face when they'd met back up, but that was nitpicking. He definitely deserved it, even so.

After a moment, he moved over to Lea's side, hip bumping against his. "Want me to show you how to cut?"

"Yeah."

In the end, Lea didn't think he'd really be able to punch Isa in the face any more than Sora had been able to punch Riku. He missed him, more than he really knew how to put into words--he'd been missing him for years, even though he'd spent most of them right alongside him.

He sort of jumped, startled, when Riku bumped into him, and gave him a helpless look.

"That... might not be a bad idea," he admitted with a nervous laugh, glad for the subject change. "Slicing and dicing might be a specialty of mine, but I usually have bigger targets."

He rolled his eyes for a brief moment, but smiled all the same as he lifted a hand to gesture for Lea to scoot over to the right. Riku took his place, taking the handle of the knife and raising the onion off the board.

"We're cutting them into matchsticks, so--" A pause, and he looks to Lea.

"Get behind me so you can see better. Do that thing you do--with your chin on my head."

"Matchsticks?" Lea made a face. What the hell did onions have to do with matches?

He scratched his head, then shoved his hands into his pockets and dutifully loomed over Riku's head, chin on his crown. It was really convenient, actually; Riku was the perfect height for it. Roxas had always been a little too short (though his head was at the perfect level to be an armrest, which never failed to get on his nerves).

"My ma used to make onion rings," he said idly, squinting a little as Riku had at the onion. "When she was having a good day, she'd slice 'em up and batter 'em... fried them in some kind of spicy oil. Man were they good."

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reality won't hurt for longer than it should

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