Lea had learned a lot about Riku in the time they'd been friends, but one thing he still hadn't quite wrapped his head around was Riku's penchant for completely misunderstanding what he was saying. Well, Lea rather had a penchant for being roundabout and obtuse in what he was trying to say, at that, so maybe there was fault on both sides. When Riku blanched and got a sick look to him, Lea's eyes snapped open wide and he shook his head quickly.
"No!" he gasped, waving his hands and then reaching out and snatching up both of Riku's, knowing exactly what he was thinking and wanting to shoot that down immediately. "Look, I'm... bad at just being straightforward, okay? I always have been--I can't just... say stuff, I have to do it sideways." He shook his head again, squeezing Riku's hands tightly. "I'm saying... I'm saying that I can lead sometimes too, 'cuz... maybe now I kind of know what I want out of this. I've been following you this whole time because I had no idea what I was doing, but when you got shot yesterday, when you fell, I was just suddenly... spinning out of control and nosediving into a tree." Right, because that made sense.
Okay, try again. He released Riku's hands and took his face instead, his eyes urgent and a little exasperated. Axel had always known just what to say to get what he wanted, but manipulation wasn't Lea's goal. Lea just wanted to say what he was feeling and for some reason that was nearabout impossible.
"I don't wanna just wait for you to lead the way anymore," he said. "If you'd died yesterday... the Initiative wouldn't have been able to bring you back. And that... that scared the shit out of me." He hesitated, glanced away, then met his eyes again. "I'm saying that there was a lot of stuff I wanted to say to you that I just hadn't figured out how to say, and I thought I'd lost my chance--I thought I'd lost you. I'm saying that I'm sick of you having to have near-death experiences for me to get my head on straight."
Lea swallowed, like he was biting back something else, and then he leaned forward in his chair and clunked his forehead against Riku's, hands still on either side of the younger man's face.
"I'm saying that... I need you, Riku. You're the tail on my kite, stupid," he said quietly, closing his eyes and feeling really lame and cheesy, "and I'm... sorry that it took nearly losing you for me to figure that out."
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"No!" he gasped, waving his hands and then reaching out and snatching up both of Riku's, knowing exactly what he was thinking and wanting to shoot that down immediately. "Look, I'm... bad at just being straightforward, okay? I always have been--I can't just... say stuff, I have to do it sideways." He shook his head again, squeezing Riku's hands tightly. "I'm saying... I'm saying that I can lead sometimes too, 'cuz... maybe now I kind of know what I want out of this. I've been following you this whole time because I had no idea what I was doing, but when you got shot yesterday, when you fell, I was just suddenly... spinning out of control and nosediving into a tree." Right, because that made sense.
Okay, try again. He released Riku's hands and took his face instead, his eyes urgent and a little exasperated. Axel had always known just what to say to get what he wanted, but manipulation wasn't Lea's goal. Lea just wanted to say what he was feeling and for some reason that was nearabout impossible.
"I don't wanna just wait for you to lead the way anymore," he said. "If you'd died yesterday... the Initiative wouldn't have been able to bring you back. And that... that scared the shit out of me." He hesitated, glanced away, then met his eyes again. "I'm saying that there was a lot of stuff I wanted to say to you that I just hadn't figured out how to say, and I thought I'd lost my chance--I thought I'd lost you. I'm saying that I'm sick of you having to have near-death experiences for me to get my head on straight."
Lea swallowed, like he was biting back something else, and then he leaned forward in his chair and clunked his forehead against Riku's, hands still on either side of the younger man's face.
"I'm saying that... I need you, Riku. You're the tail on my kite, stupid," he said quietly, closing his eyes and feeling really lame and cheesy, "and I'm... sorry that it took nearly losing you for me to figure that out."