Lea hid his amusement behind one hand as Riku seemed surprised by how loud noodles could be--big bad Keyblade Master Riku, so easily flustered. Lea would never cease to be entertained (and endeared) by that about him.
He paused a moment, then gazed into his bowl, prodding the noodles with his chopsticks before setting them down again.
"Look, ah, I realized something," he blurted, like maybe if he didn't say it right now he would lose the nerve. He glanced sidelong at Riku, something uncertain in his eyes. "I know we never talk about... what happened in Paris," he said, and shook his head, "but... just for one second, I wanna talk about what happened in Paris."
He shoved his chair back and turned it so he could face Riku, his expression severe.
"You... you changed everything that day," he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth almost too quickly. "I didn't even really think we were friends at the time, you know? And you..." Well, Riku knew what he'd done. "And I was really mad!" Lea continued, gesturing vaguely with both hands. "Because... because I didn't think I mattered that much!" He met Riku's eyes sharply, shaking his head. He knew this probably sounded really bizarre and out of the blue, but he needed to say it. And if he didn't say it now he wasn't sure he would. "The idea that I mattered enough to somebody who barely knew me... that they would..." He just sort of gestured again, unwilling to actually say aloud that Riku had died for him. "You changed everything," he said again. "You changed the way I thought about you, even about myself--you changed... you changed my life, okay? Like in that one day, you just turned everything I thought I knew on its ear. And it pissed me off. Because suddenly everything was different, and I didn't like it."
He huffed, then held one hand up to cut Riku off before he could rebut.
"Aa--I'm not done," he said. "Every time something's changed for us, you've been the catalyst," he said. "You were the one who even brought up the idea of being more than friends in the first place," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "while I was still stuck back there in the idea that friendship was as good as it got. Suddenly everything was different again, but... I tried to like it. And I learned to like it." He cleared his throat, averted his eyes, and then gave Riku a look that teetered between defensive and urgent. "I do. Like it.
"But... the point I'm trying to make here is, it's all you," he said, shaking his head. "It's always been you, and I feel like I've just been standing here walking in your footsteps because I have no idea where we're going, like you're just leading this ridiculous dance neither of us knows how to do and..."
There was a beat of silence, and then Lea blew a sigh up toward his hairline.
"Yesterday, when... when you got shot," he said, "I realized I know the steps now."
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He paused a moment, then gazed into his bowl, prodding the noodles with his chopsticks before setting them down again.
"Look, ah, I realized something," he blurted, like maybe if he didn't say it right now he would lose the nerve. He glanced sidelong at Riku, something uncertain in his eyes. "I know we never talk about... what happened in Paris," he said, and shook his head, "but... just for one second, I wanna talk about what happened in Paris."
He shoved his chair back and turned it so he could face Riku, his expression severe.
"You... you changed everything that day," he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth almost too quickly. "I didn't even really think we were friends at the time, you know? And you..." Well, Riku knew what he'd done. "And I was really mad!" Lea continued, gesturing vaguely with both hands. "Because... because I didn't think I mattered that much!" He met Riku's eyes sharply, shaking his head. He knew this probably sounded really bizarre and out of the blue, but he needed to say it. And if he didn't say it now he wasn't sure he would. "The idea that I mattered enough to somebody who barely knew me... that they would..." He just sort of gestured again, unwilling to actually say aloud that Riku had died for him. "You changed everything," he said again. "You changed the way I thought about you, even about myself--you changed... you changed my life, okay? Like in that one day, you just turned everything I thought I knew on its ear. And it pissed me off. Because suddenly everything was different, and I didn't like it."
He huffed, then held one hand up to cut Riku off before he could rebut.
"Aa--I'm not done," he said. "Every time something's changed for us, you've been the catalyst," he said. "You were the one who even brought up the idea of being more than friends in the first place," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "while I was still stuck back there in the idea that friendship was as good as it got. Suddenly everything was different again, but... I tried to like it. And I learned to like it." He cleared his throat, averted his eyes, and then gave Riku a look that teetered between defensive and urgent. "I do. Like it.
"But... the point I'm trying to make here is, it's all you," he said, shaking his head. "It's always been you, and I feel like I've just been standing here walking in your footsteps because I have no idea where we're going, like you're just leading this ridiculous dance neither of us knows how to do and..."
There was a beat of silence, and then Lea blew a sigh up toward his hairline.
"Yesterday, when... when you got shot," he said, "I realized I know the steps now."