He paused again, pressing his lips together, that crinkle returning to the space between his eyebrows. He swallowed, then rested the knife on the cutting board.

"I... actually haven't been back," he said. "I mean, aside from when we all first woke up in the basement of the castle, I didn't... I mean I haven't really spent..." He exhaled, then busied himself with the onion again. "I don't even know if they're..."

How could he go back? How could he face his parents, with all this blood on his hands? How could he face Isa's parents, knowing he'd let their son slip through his fingers? He set the knife down and sort of wrung his hands, pressing his thumb into his opposite palm in fidget. Then he looked at his hands before glancing at Riku.

"I can't. Not until I set a lot of things right."