million_points_of_light | reality won't hurt for longer than it should

Entry tags:

reality won't hurt for longer than it should

Who: Riku and Lea
When: January 4th
Where: Casa de Bro
What: Some awkward misunderstandings.
Warnings: Cavities.

There was a reason Riku didn't like making anything with onions.

They made his eyes water like nothing else ever could. No matter what type of onion--white, red, pearl, even shallots--would make him start crying and he would always get frustrated, ending up with a few wads of paper towel next to him as he tried to get through the five onions the soup he was making needed. He coughed into his elbow, putting the knife down and blindly reaching for a new paper towel, turning away from his cutting board and pressing the paper to his eyes beneath his glasses. He knew his eyes were probably red and slightly puffy by now.

At least Sora wasn't here. His best friend would probably laugh at him, and he was only two onions down.

With a sigh, he slid the onions into the pot and took a breather, thankful there were no pups around to distract him. He might cut off a finger at this rate.

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After a long moment, Riku cocked his head, looking away from Lea.

"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if the second one was to shut you up or because I liked the first one," he said, mumbling it under his breath. He was sure part of it was to shut him up--he was sure the first one had been. That was the plan. There had never been a second kiss in the plan. With a tired sigh, he let his head flop down against Lea's shoulder, eyes closed.

This... relationship thing. It was a difficult beast to tackle. Riku'd never really thought about it, but now that it was dropped in his lap, he had to do something about it.

Oh. Lea wasn't sure what sort of answer he'd been expecting, but that hadn't been it. Maybe he'd been overthinking this--maybe Riku didn't really have any damn clue what he was doing either.

... Actually no, Lea was pretty sure Riku somehow had even less of a clue what he was doing.

He tensed a little when Riku's head bonked against his shoulder--it was still funny to him the way his brain perceived proximity. Somehow a kiss didn't really register the same way: a kiss left the other party occupied as well, but a hug, or this sort of leaning posture, it still caught him by surprise. When there were hands tangled in the front of his shirt there were none free to hold the knife that could stab him in the back, after all. He knew better--he knew Riku would never do that. The time he hadn't trusted him seemed like a lifetime ago (and in a way, it was), but old habits died pretty hard.

Lea took a slow breath, held it a moment, then exhaled and let his head list against Riku's. He didn't know if he would ever really get it, but for now he could be satisfied that they were both just... muddling along. It was nice, to at least know that they were both kind of stupid in this area; it made it a little simpler, a little less awkward, a little easier to forgive the mistakes.

"Nine," he said quietly, half into Riku's hair: "besides Sora and Kairi, I'm pretty sure I'm the only person I've ever seen you deliberately touch, and even then you still hesitate, like you're not sure you're allowed, even when you have permission."

Upon feeling his tension, Riku meant to draw his head back; it was his turn to tense up when Lea tilted his head against his. He closed his eyes momentarily, feeling a heat up in his ears, but... not as much. This was starting to feel normal, even if Riku tried to be careful about letting himself fall into normalcy. If he just assumed this was as things were supposed to be, he'd feel horrible if (if? not when? when did he start thinking about this in ifs?) they broke it off. If lea disappeared home again. There was a twist in his heart, and riku settled, no longer gripping onto lea's shirt and simply laying his hands there.

A soft exhale expelled past his lips. After a moment, Riku shifted to settle back, too awkward to actually sit (especially not on Lea's lap) and instead just keeping himself propped up.

"Yeah," he said quietly, not arguing that point. Unless there were emergencies, Riku tried never to touch anyone.

He tried to shrug it off, chuckling. "I mean--who do you think I am, Sora?"

It was starting to feel normal, which in and of itself was kind of bizarre. He chortled when Riku pulled back, then shook his head.

"Jeez, I hope not," he said, rolling his eyes. "I definitely don't have the energy to keep up with him all the time--I have a hard enough time keeping an eye on you!" Completely different breed of high maintenance, okay. Riku wasn't as high-energy as Sora, it was true, but he was his own manner of handful. Not that Lea was really complaining: in the end, he liked feeling useful, after all, and while he could have done without the hypothermia scares and sprained ankles, none of that was going to stop him from having Riku's back. No matter what.

He grinned then, reaching over and tapping two fingertips against Riku's forehead.

"Ten," he said: "when you're actually smiling, the corners of your eyes crinkle. They don't do that when you're faking it, so I can always tell."

Yeah, it's corny, but he had embraced his corniness after Roxas and Xion had both called him out on it numerous times.

And then he just smiled, looking proud of himself, before shifting that hand on Riku's forehead to rake back through his hair.

"I win."

"He's not that bad," he admitted with a shake of his head. Quick to throw him under the bus, even quicker to pick him back up. "If you just--"

He shut his eyes when Lea's hand came up, opening one when he tapped against his forehead. A noise escaped his throat; something between embarrassment and a groan, one of his hands coming up to brace against his face. Well, he knew Lea could be a sap, but that was... particularly sweet. Riku wasn't sure if he could take that.

Then again, that hand through his hair helped immensely; his whole body relaxed instantly, not just his shoulders, to nearly sit on Lea's lap fully. "Yeah, yeah. Gold star, sap extraordinaire."

Lea snorted. "Yeah he is," he said, hiding a laugh behind one hand. "I had an easier time keeping track of both Roxas and Xion than I did trying to track down just one Sora." He tugged on the longer hair at the back of Riku's head. "And don't get me started on how much of a pain in the ass tailing you was back in the day, for that matter."

When Riku called him a sap, though, he just sort of grinned, looking a little proud. He sat back against the couch and draped his arms across the back of it, leaving Riku to situate himself however he wanted.

"I think I prefer that epithet to the one I had before, if we're being honest," he admitted. Sure, Flurry of Dancing Flames sounded pretty badass, but Lea'd had enough of that. He would take Sap Extraordinaire gladly these days.

"Oh, what about what you were cooking?" he asked suddenly, sitting up a little straighter. "Sorry, I didn't really mean to distract you."

Much.

It was Riku's turn to bring his hand up to bonk Lea's head, his fingers curled into a loose fist.

"I don't believe that for a second." He shot him a skeptical look, before shrugging simply. "The pot isn't on, there's still a bunch of stuff to cut up, too. Don't worry about it, alright? I'm the one handling dinner."

When Lea let him go, he stood, shifting and rolling a shoulder. As much as he'd liked the proximity, he honestly didn't know if Lea would feel more uncomfortable if he lingered. He'd rather take the safest route, then. "You can't keep up with Sora because you don't know him as well as I do, that's all," a smirk lit up his features. "and because I made myself hard to tail on purpose."

"Hey, I was just trying to be conscientious," he said with a shrug, and then pressed his lips together. "No, seriously though, I didn't mean to distract you--I'm hungry, why would I distract the maker of food?"

When Riku stood, Lea frowned a little. Had he stood up because he was going to go back to cooking, or had he stood up because he wasn't sure he was allowed to stay? Ugh, okay that was a little frustrating, Lea had to admit. Riku seemed to spend so much time worrying about not stepping out of line that he never seemed to realize that the lines with certain people were pretty open to interpretation.

Lea rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"I guess you've got a fair point: now that I know you better you're pretty easy to find," he said mildly. Well, it was true, wasn't it? He wondered if Riku would just sort of know where to find him if the situation ever called for it...

He got to his feet as well and stretched both arms up over his head.

"I'll cut up that last onion for you," he offered. "Might as well make myself useful, yah?"

Edited 2014-01-10 04:48 (UTC)

Riku blinked once, and then narrowed his eyes, leaning forward to mimic Lea's tapping on his forehead. "You could've said you were hungry, you know. I wouldn't have sat through all that."

Being easy to find wasn't a good point to have--Riku would say he'd lost a little bit of his mysteriousness, but then, he supposes there are worse things to lose. He's quick to start padding back towards the kitchen, rubbing the back of his neck as he does so--at least until Lea offers his services, and he looks at him over his shoulder.

... well.

"I guess that'd help," he says noncommittally with a little shrug, looking off in embarrassment.

"What if I wanted you to sit through it?" His counter-inquiry was almost completely sincere, rather than a mocking repetition. Riku never gave himself enough credit for anything; the least Lea figured he could do was remind him that somebody gave enough of a damn to pay attention.

When Riku deigned to accept his help, Lea just rolled his eyes.

"Sure sure, you're welcome," he grumbled with a shake of his head. Sheesh. He still needed to work on Riku's Stand Alone Complex. He could certainly understand needing to do some things for oneself, but making dinner wasn't one of those things. He could tell Riku was sleeping better these days, which was good, but there were still times he was concerned the younger man was just going to run himself into the ground.

Picking up the knife and the last onion, Lea chopped the ends off and began peeling away the outer layers.

"So since I got to ten," he said, looking at the onion instead of Riku, "I still get to choose one more thing you have to do for me." He paused, then regarded him briefly. "Take a day off." He blurted it without really thinking about it, then looked startled for half an instant. Then he rolled with it. "No mission, no dogs, no nothing. Just. Take a day off."

He shouldn't have felt like it was something that had to be wagered over.

"A--a day off?"

His voice is considerably softer, a little surprised, and he shifts in place uncomfortably. Riku has always hated feeling idle. Days off always have him wondering if it's okay to stay sitting down, to do nothing. He has people counting on him now, how can he just sit there? He clears his throat, and he shrugs his shoulders.

"That's... not really up to me, I'd have to ask Cecily." he says, running a hand through his hair. "I don't even know what I'd do on a day off..."

Edited 2014-01-10 07:00 (UTC)

He tossed the outer layers of onion into the garbage and regarded Riku sidelong.

"So ask," he said plainly, chopping the onion on half. "The worst she can do is say no, right?" He made half a dozen slices into the onion and then paused again. "Come on, you're basically on-call 24/7, man, that ain't right. Everybody deserves a day off."

He pursed his lips. He didn't want to say no to his--somehow, it just felt like he'd disappoint Lea, or... disappoint himself. It was funny how that worked. He actually had something to live up to, now, and he'd feel guilty for not living up to it.

"... I guess I'll have to." If it was part of the bet, anyhow.

Lea let out a grating sigh and his shoulders sagged. Really? Really? He made it sound like he'd been asked to do something hideously inconvenient or tiresome or unsavory. Sometimes Lea was certain Riku was from some other planet or something.

Well, okay, technically he was, but that was beside the point.

He set the knife down and rested his hip against the counter, folding his arms to give Riku a sober look.

"I've changed my mind," he said, furrowing his brow. "Since I won the bet, I want you to... do something you want to do." There was no teasing in his voice and no grin on his lips. "Not something you have to do, or you're obligated to do... not something you've guilted yourself into thinking you have no choice but to do... something you want to do."

Honestly he'd be surprised if Riku had even really ever considered such a thing. From what it sounded like, he'd spent his entire life just doing what was expected of him, and in a way that made Lea a little sad.

Riku knew he'd said the wrong thing when he heard that sigh and immediately tried to backtrack, stammering out a "I could--" before Lea spoke.

And what he said was most definitely more shocking than what he'd said before, because Riku seized up for a full second, eyes wide. It wasn't just shock, it was confusion, like he didn't quite understand. "You want me to..." he echoed, quietly, brows furrowed, and voice not quite believing.

Aaand there it was: the confusion, the shock, the absolute dumbfoundedness... Some people went their whole lives never working a day. Riku was like the antithesis to those people; he had gone his whole life without slacking a day. And while that was certainly a merit-worthy feat, just thinking about it made Lea tired. He stepped forward and took Riku's shoulders carefully, leaning forward to meet his eyes, and he just looked at him for a moment.

"Yeah," he said, "I want you to do something for you, knucklebrains." He gestured at the food on the stove, at the house around them, at the dog in the living room he could hear rolling about on the carpeted floor, and then shook his head. "As long as I've known you--which, I admit, isn't all that long, in the grand scheme, but it's long enough--all you've ever done is stuff for other people. I'd bet you that you can't name five times you did something for you, but you're already in debt today and I know you hate losing."

He folded his arms again and clicked his tongue.

"I know you wanna help everybody, Riku, but for cryin' out loud..." He shook his head. "You never take care of yourself 'cuz you're too busy taking care of everybody else, and then you just look completely confounded whenever anybody does anything for you. Like you could have done it for yourself, you were getting to it... maybe ten years from now you'll have time to sit down and eat a proper meal and take a nap." His brow furrowed sharply, that crinkle back between them. "It ain't a bad thing to put yourself first once in a while."

Rubbing his forehead, Riku wished he could just... comply. It had to be easier than he thought it was--everyone seemed so good at that. Other people seemed to have themselves in mind, even if they didn't focus on themselves--they took days. He thinks of Kyouko, reminded of her compulsion to eat, thinks of Ros taking long days of work and then long days of rest when the job's done.

As per always, Riku tenses sharply when Lea takes his shoulders, but although his heart thumps hard in his chest, he doesn't bring up his hands. He doesn't try to shove him away, quietly looking up at him and breathing in through his nose.

It was funny; if one tried to analyze when this started, they wouldn't really have a date. Sora had been right when he'd talked with Lea before; Riku really had always been like this.

Honestly, Riku didn't know what to do. He could carve, sure, but that'd morphed from just expressing himself to expressing himself for others, making gifts and things for the house. "I... know."

Maybe he did.

He squeezed Riku's shoulders gently before releasing them, a bit pleased to see that he didn't really flinch this time. Progress was progress, right? Then he shook his head.

"I don't think you do," he said candidly, frowning, then sighed heavily. "Okay, how about this: you promised we could train together a while back, remember?" He was sure he did. "So. Take a day off for that. And when we're done... I'll show you how to just do nothing for half an hour."

Granted, Lea didn't really enjoy wasting time, at least not nearly so much as he liked people to believe he did. But there was a big difference between doing nothing, and not doing anything, though to the untrained eye they seemed equally wasteful. He was going to have to take baby steps with Riku, though. Half an hour was a good starting point.

"Deal?"

Narrowing his eyes, Riku tilted his head and gave him a strange look. Lea wanted to train?

--ahh, he knew it. There was something hidden there. He frowned, shifting his shoulders for a moment before extending a hand. Fine. It was only a half hour--not a lot could happen in a half hour, right? "... okay. Deal." he said.

Don't you give him that look, Riku. Axel spent a lot of time only thinking of himself--let him put you first sometimes. It was actually something he really wanted, to be honest... did that negate the whole thing? Was he putting himself first by wanting to put Riku first when Riku obviously wanted... wait, no, if Riku's preference was for others to get what they wanted, then this still worked. Okay, crisis averted.

Lea shook Riku's hand firmly, giving it a squeeze before he let go, grinning a little.

"Relaxing doesn't hurt, I promise," he said, and then turned back to the onion, slicing the rest of it up fairly quickly and sweeping it into the pot. Turning to the sink to wash his hands again, eyes burning like before, he made a noise of discomfort. "Ugh, unlike chopping onions, that is," he complained, squeezing his eyes shut and exhaling sharply.

Riku chuckled, shaking his head at Lea as he finished, dumping the can in with the onions, as well as a slew of dried spices, salt, and pepper. Cranking the heat up, he looked back to Lea, hesitating. "Thanks." he said, quiet but truthful. "For the onions. And the talk."

Lea swiped his wet hands down his face and ground the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, then let his arms fall. Grabbing a dish towel, he dried his hands and shook his head.

"You don't gotta thank me," he said. "Even if we have this tendency to misunderstand one another's words half the time, talking with you's kinda... easy." He shrugged one shoulder, twisting the towel between his hands. "I got real used to talking to the wall with Saïx, and having to explain everything I was saying to Roxas and Xion; it's nice to be able to just talk with you and know you're listening and I probably won't have to go into explanations unless I use a really big word."

He grinned a little in closing and flicked the towel at Riku, snapping him lightly in the arm.

"So, I guess I'll say you're welcome for the onions, but the talk? That's mutual."

It was funny; Riku didn't make a habit of making conversation, not really. Lea, however... he made it so easy. With a smile, Riku lowers his head, propping his foot against the lower cabinets. "I get it," he said, shaking his head, thinking of how he'd have to explain himself to Sora and Kairi. They understood that he'd changed--but they didn't. It was strange, he had to assume, to see someone that they knew so well be someone completely different.

He was glad Lea didn't know him when he was a snot-nosed brat. He may have been more confident and outspoken back then, but he liked himself now better than the past.

"--hey!" he flinched away when Lea snapped him in the arm, then narrowed his eyes with a smirk and snatched it away, twisting it to snap him back. "Mutual it is."

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reality won't hurt for longer than it should

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